It’s been over a year since I became a Christian and I wanted to share what my faith journey has been like since August 2023. It feels both incredibly short and like it’s been forever at the same time. In the beginning I remember thinking to myself, “How did I live without God for all of those years”. Before, it was just my norm – I was living life without really knowing what I was missing. But now, I can actually feel the separation when I drift away from the Holy Spirit and I see it reflected in my character. I’ve learned that you can do religion without God, but you can’t have a relationship with Him without His presence.
The Burden of Blessings: I used to think blessings only looked like the things I desired.
Maybe my understanding was heavily shaped by social media and being hashtag #blessed, lol. I had the perception that as a Christian, if I was supposed to now glorify God through my life, then my life needed to look “good”. I needed to have the things and circumstances deemed desirable to validate that God is with me. I knew nothing about the sanctification process or that the Lord could bless you with burdens to develop you.
I felt pressure, especially after sharing my testimony in March and declaring my faith publicly because in my mind, I needed to be almost a finished product before I could share. I thought I needed to have something to show in terms of success because that’s what the world taught me. We clap and applaud people for the things we can see. Saying that I now have a relationship with Jesus and have experienced a Love I didn’t know was possible just didn’t seem like enough. From April to July, it was challenging because that was a mental stronghold the Lord had to break off of me.
Spiritual Warfare: I’ve learned that spiritual warfare is not something to fear, but it is something to expect when you are glorifying Christ.
One experience that brought this reality to life for me happened in February. I was cleaning my apartment and organizing my space. I had all of my books stacked up on the floor in my living room. I had gone through my books and found some that I’d bought starting in 2020. I realized they didn’t align to my faith, so I decided to get rid of them. These books were mostly self-help related and incorporated New Age concepts, but at the time, I didn’t know what that meant. To me they were just popular books on the New York Times bestseller list.
I considered donating them but ultimately decided to throw them down the garbage chute in my apartment building. I tossed them all in and called a family member afterward to let them know, since one of the books belonged to them. They were cool about it.
A few weeks later, I started decorating and decided to rearrange my books to make them look more aesthetically pleasing. As I went through the stack one by one, I started seeing the books I’d thrown away – in the same condition. I immediately felt panic and in disbelief. I looked at them confused and began second-guessing myself – maybe I had just forgotten? But then I remembered the phone call I’d made to my family member. So, I called them as a gut check. They remembered our conversation.
I got off the phone, prayed over the books, and tossed them down the trash chute again. I called my cousin and asked her to pray over my space with me.
The best way I can describe how this experience made me feel was fear at first, yes, but then intimidation. I went to work the next day to my very corporate job wondering, “What is this life really about”? That experience strengthened my faith because it reminded me that there are problems and things in this world that only Jesus can solve – nothing else.
Obedience is Better Than Sacrifice: Setting aside my will for the Lords.
In August, I went on a work trip for a few days to California. At the time, I was really wrestling with the desire to leave my current role for various reasons and move closer to home in Dallas. I felt like it was the easier path for me. While I was in Santa Monica, I decided to visit a church on Sunday where a pastor I had watched on YouTube was preaching and hosting a book signing.
At the beginning of the second sermon, she took a moment to go off script. She shared a word that there was an individual in the room, and the workplace they were planning to leave was their assignment from God. It resonated so deeply with me that it pierced my heart.
After lunch, I stood in my hotel room thinking about the word I just received and how it went against what I wanted to do. I felt torn at the thought of what that meant I had to accept and letting go of my desire to leave the position. But then a thought from the Holy Spirit came to my mind: “Do not resist”. Those three faithful words always brings me back to the need to trust that God’s way will always be better than my own. In the bible, Isaiah chapter 55:8 says, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD”.
Being obedient feels different when it’s not something you desire to do. I’m still learning how to submit my will to the Lord—this is an ongoing process, one that I can only navigate with the help of the Holy Spirit.
